Redskins to try novel approach to QB position

-Landover, MD
Having already benched Jim Zorn as play-caller and replaced him with newly-hired consultant Sherman Lewis, the Washington Redskins are now set to try something totally unprecedented in the NFL -- a passing-only QB.

Head Coach Jim Zorn, reading a memo from Executive Vice President of Football Operations, Vinny Cerrato, which was then translated by Offensive Consultant Sherman Lewis, hand-copied by Offensive Coordinator Sherman Smith, and sent to Zorn via a carrier pigeon, announced this morning that starting quarterback Jason Campbell will no longer throw any passes. Instead, backup Todd Collins will enter the game whenever the Redskins plan to pass. Campbell will remain in the game for all running plays.

"We love Jason Campbell. We think he gives us the best chance to win the game as the starting quarterback and has a great future in this league," Zorn said. "He hands off as well as anyone. But the passing game just isn't there, and we think it's time for a change, so we are bringing in another arm to try and spruce up the passing game."

"It may seem unusual," Cerrato's memo said. "But I just found out the other day that some teams have what they consider 'third-down' backs whose primary responsibility is to catch passes out of the backfield. So I thought to myself, Why not have a third-down quarterback? I've talked to Mr. Snyder and he likes the idea. We ran it by Sherman and Sherman and Jim, and we all agree this is the thing to get our offense going."

Campbell wasn't thrilled with the idea of sitting out the pass plays, but seemed resigned to the need for a change. "Let's face it," he said. "Getting those plays called from the booth to the sideline to the other sideline to the front office and then to me -- it has made things awfully complicated. If this simplifies things and helps us win, then I guess we can try it.

"At least I won't get sacked."

Collins, on the other hand, seemed happy to get his chance. "It will be nice to come into the game and run for my life and throw the ball," he said. "I just hope somebody catches it."

Asked about the likelihood of opposing teams looking exclusively for the pass when Collins enters the game, Zorn said, "We thought of that. But we've already been pretty predictable, so this is just the next step in that process."

Defensive Coordinator Greg Blache had no comment.

Running back Clinton Portis had this to say. "The way this season is going, it's definitely time for a Todd Collins."